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SHAME

As you journey through this issue of drug addiction, it's more likely you'll pass by the "Land of Shame".  You'll be tempted to get out and go through the gate and wander. What can I say to you? Well, how's this: Keep Out!  Do you hear me?  Keep Out! Do Not Enter the "Land of Shame". No Trespassing! Oh, you will be tempted, believe me, but don't do it.   

 

When it comes to the issue of drug addiction, most parents feel "shame" or at least embarrassment. A dictionary definition of shame says a painful feeling arising from the consciusness of something dishonorable. It is fact or circumstances bringing disgrace or regret. One difference between shame and embarrassment is shame may not necessarily involve public humiliation. In many cases, the issues with our children are not public, (they certainly can be) but parents certainly feel shame. In order to avoid what would be perceived as public humiliation, parents "keep it under the hat"; we don't want others to know. 

 

I think it's painful to go through something alone, especially this. I know for my wife and I, there was a feeling of aloneness, that there wasn't anyone we could call. First off, if the person hadn't been through it, we're not sure they'd understand and secondly, we feared their judgment. Well, if you have done this or that, this wouldn't have happened. I know people who are afraid to tell their own parents about their struggles with parenting, because they fear their parents coming down on them. 

 

So, people hide in shame. I see it a lot. Parents, for instance, are going through painful issues with their kids and are concerned others don't find out. In some ways, I understand, because there are those who aren't "safe". Still, I grieve for them because they can't find support. Now, am I advocating you tell everyone? Of course not. However, I do believe it's important to find others who you can identify with, people that feel safe. Typically, it's those who been through similar circumstances.    

 

Are you stuck in shame? Are you living with regret over your child's choices? If you choose to enter the Land of Shame", it won't give you answers. Maybe you think you'll feel better for taking responsibility, but in the end, you won't have helped the situation one iota.   

More To Come.

 

Bob Carter