By Stevie Little
Before I can fully explain God’s goodness and strength I found through the difficult decisions at the end of my pregnancy, it would help to share the months leading up to my pregnancy. Ultimately this time is how the Lord prepared me for the chilling question from my doctor.
I was teaching kindergarten in March of 2020. We went virtual for the rest of the year and had plans to return that way in the fall. I started looking for a new job immediately. However, I felt the Lord had called me to stay and endure the hardships that came with teaching online, which often included 80-hour work weeks. I found myself miserable in my job and wrestling with why the Lord had kept me there. To add to the complexity of this time, we were trying to get pregnant.
My husband and I talked about what quitting my job would look like. Do I stick it out through the end of the school year? Do I break my contract and leave in the middle of the year? We had no idea what to do…that is, until we knew exactly what needed to be done as the semester progressed. We decided I needed to quit. It was a difficult choice, and chaos ensued, but it was the right choice.
I did not take this choice for granted. I knew many people were not in my position to do so, and I rejoiced and rested in God’s provisions. In God’s divine timing, day one of my pregnancy tracks back to the day I quit. Pregnancy was great. I was not very sick or nauseous, and drinking lemon water kept me feeling good. I continued to work out while pregnant, and quitting my job allowed me to sleep in and take naps during the day. I didn’t gain a lot of weight and didn’t swell. This was not at all what I expected, and I knew others who did not have it the same and was so thankful that I loved being pregnant.
So, when my perfect pregnancy wasn’t so perfect, I immediately ran to Jesus. Though it was not easy, and I was often crying and scared or upset, I clung to Jesus and God’s plan for our family—whatever that meant. The only reason I believe I could do this was because God showed up in so many ways in the previous months leading up to quitting my job and continued showing up after.
The Lord made it clear in so many ways that we made the right choice, and we continued to depend on the Lord as provider through the uncertainty of my pregnancy. We had scheduled an induction, but I had to be induced early due to a change in heart function. Since doctors knew of the baby’s condition, they were prepared to transfer immediately after birth to CHOA. We were mentally preparing for any and all scenarios. I responded well to medication, the baby’s heart was doing great through labor, and the delivery was relatively easy. Then suddenly, we had a son! My husband got to tell me the baby was a boy, and nothing compares to the joy and emotions of that moment.
Doctors initially thought I would not be able to hold him once he was born because they were prepared to immediately intervene. I was able to hear my baby cry and hold him for a moment. Both things that I had fully prepared my heart I would never be able to do. All other vital signs were good, and they prepped him to be transferred to CHOA. We didn’t even have time to name him and decided on James later that night. What joyful news we could share with our loved ones—we had a boy named James who made it through delivery and was stable and being taken care of by an excellent team of doctors!
We were at home with James only six days after he was born. CHOA had figured out a medical plan of action and had stabilized his heart with medicine. No long stays in the hospital, no heart transplant…just medicine! James is now on two different medicines to help the stability of his heart function and strengthen his heart to help pump blood through his body at a normal heart rate. We have regular appointments with CHOA to monitor his heart, and thankfully all have been excellent reports. The medicine is doing what it is supposed to be doing, and James is otherwise perfectly healthy.
God’s provisions through our pregnancy and relying on Him has brought God so much glory. When people ask how we dealt with that struggle, my husband and I immediately point to Jesus. There was truly another in the fire. We felt God moving and were so in tune with the Holy Spirit. We’re so thankful for that experience for many reasons. We were shown how to daily walk in radical dependence on God, as Jeff so often reminds us to do in our walk with the Lord. We realize that we have an otherwise happy ending. It could have been a completely different outcome. I can’t speak on how my posture in another situation would have been, but I find comfort in my relationship with Jesus that I didn’t know the outcome while going through it. My faith and trust in the Lord was only so strong because of running to Jesus and being filled by the power of the Holy Spirit. I’ve never seen the Trinity so prevalent in my life before, and it’s something that I have continued clinging to ever since.
There are so many reasons James is named James, but here is one of them: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4). There is such peace and rest from listening to the Holy Spirit and pursuing the will of God, especially in the midst of trials. My prayer from our story is that you find that same peace and comfort in running to Jesus and that God receives all the glory.
